View this email in your browser
Catch up on the latest episodes, livestreams, articles & interviews.
Hi <<First Name>>,

pseudomutuality is not a healthy relationship dynamic [image man with mask in hand, woman walking by]

How & Why Hijackals® Create a Lie of Loyalty

You know how some people and families both "put on a front" and are "a closed shop?" You can sense that something is off but the story they tell sounds good. They may be SO good at the story that you can't help but believe it. Why would you question it? And then, you marry into it and the legs fall off!



  • What is Pseudomutuality
  • How pseudomutuality compares with healthy mutuality ( Kaizen for Couples )
  • The scam and sham of creating an agreed upon "family story" to look good to others
  • The double bind of living within pseudomutuality
  • Why it is crazy-making and will cause you to question your sanity
  • Why the "appearance" of bonding in healthy ways is not necessarily what is true

Mutuality is one of the three MUST-HAVES I talk about in order to have a healthy adult relationship. In my book, Kaizen for Couples, I described it this way:

"Mutuality is for emotional grown-ups. It is based on an interest in each other as whole, complex people living in the present. When dependence or do-dependence are consistently present in a relationship, mutuality cannot be. Mutuality, then, is a defining condition for a healthy mature relationship.

...When there are imbalances in mutuality between partners in a primary relationship, they can lead to significant psychological pain. This pain is elusive and hard to pin down or describe. It feels like a loss without a number: something's missing but what is it?

...Mutuality demands much more from you both. It requires your active interest in each other as different, complex and fascinating individuals.

...What is important in mutuality is that you magnify your attunement and responsiveness to each other."

Now imagine that you honesty believe that mutuality exists in the person you are creating a long-term relationship with, or exists in the family in which you are joining, and then, you find it doesn't. A false story was presented to look good to you, but it has no substance. In fact, the opposite is true. That's what happens when Pseudomutuality is presented.

Now you know why it is important to learn more and listen in.

Do you see more clearly now that the partner or family you have been experiencing this through is troubled?  I'm here to help.

Big hugs, 


The Scam, Sham & Spam of Pseudomutuality | May 03, 2021 10:11 pm

What a Formerly Toxic CEO Learned That Transformed All His Relationships | Apr 29, 2021 10:26 am

RECOGNIZING REACTIVE ABUSE | Apr 26, 2021 08:38 pm

The Scam, Sham & Spam of Pseudomutuality: How & Why Hijackals® Create the Lie of Loyalty | May 04, 2021 08:06 am

RECOGNIZING REACTIVE ABUSE: How Emotional Abusers Push You To It & Blame You For it! | Apr 27, 2021 08:01 am

PASTCASTING? What it is and 8 Ways It Can Keep You Stuck in a Toxic Relationship | Apr 20, 2021 07:58 am

The Scam, Sham & Spam of Pseudomutuality | May 04, 2021 07:46 pm

RECOGNIZING REACTIVE ABUSE | Apr 26, 2021 10:29 pm

PASTCASTING™? What it is & 8 Ways It Can Keep Your Stuck in a Toxic Relationhip | Apr 20, 2021 07:37 pm

10 Underhanded Ways Gaslighting Shows Up in Relationships | Apr 20, 2021 12:36 pm

Wonder Why People-Pleasers Attract Emotional Abusers? | Apr 15, 2021 09:29 pm

Let's work together to get the results you want!

Are you in relationship with a Hijackal®? Someone who consistently behaves in ways that undermine you, put you down, make you crazy? I can help you understand that behavior and how to keep yourself safe and sane. 

Introductory one-hour session for new clients - just $97 - BOOK NOW.

You can get access to Private Discussion Groups, my 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy program, special discounts on Saturday Support Sessions and products, curated and exclusive content and opportunities to connect with me.  Join my Support Circles

Members save money and receive special offers, too. For example, as a member you can now attend my Saturday Support sessions, free! Regularly $25 per session.
Facebook Group
Copyright © 2021 Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, All rights reserved.

Want to change how you receive these emails?
You can update your preferences or unsubscribe from this list.