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Destined to Soar....
When only the spark of the Divine is left, creation begins and the butterfly is born.
Letting go of the old includes letting go of the old way of seeing the world and especially seeing oneself. The caterpillar sees from between the blades of grass, crawling and trying to be small. If the butterfly limits its view to that of the caterpillar, it will never fly.
How I remember many years past when I was a free spirit that so believed that she would be taken care of - bold and unafraid - knocked down so many times and getting up. Yet now, these recent falls have me desperately wanting to feel that hope, that sureness of faith that life CAN get better... and feeling totally trapped, physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I wonder if others are feeling the same?
These past months and the past year have included a heightened intensity and sensitivity to conflicting and draining energies. How do we take the positive words that we try to recite and believe in and put them into a reality that will make a difference? How does one move forward when every turn seems to present a brick wall, when every hope and dream seems to be a million lifetimes away, when all the little behaviors that created a sense of joy and accomplishment are no longer available?
One message that keeps coming to mind is that it is important to surround oneself with others of like mind, vision and spirit. On the flip side, it is just as, if not more important to release and distance from that which is not supportive, whether it be people, situations or environments. We are being called - more than that, we are being GIVEN PERMISSION - to release the concept that we have to continue associations, activities and interactions that do not nurture the essence of who we are. This can mean questioning long standing loyalties, behaviors, viewpoints, limitations, our own fears, insecurities and perceived responsibilities that are no longer healthy.
Many of us have struggled with giving ourselves permission to let our light shine, often within an environment and world view that puts us at odds with those around us. Instead of holding on to these situations and relationships, allowing them to drain and pull us down, it is time to move away from them. This is not a simple task, but one that is necessary. More importantly, it is OK to do this. It is acceptable and healthy to break association with those situations, relationships and associations that are not supportive and nurturing, regardless of who is involved.
Difficult questions to myself
Are who and what I have surrounded myself with supportive and nurturing? Or are they robbing my energy, keeping me small and hiding? Are they reflective of my authentic self, my spirit and essence? Or are they a result of me attempting to be what I think (even subconsciously) I am “supposed” to be? When I feel like a caged animal is this my spirit rebelling and seeking to break free of this lifelong habit? As a child, I wanted to please and developed behavioral patterns around that in regards to family and peers. While those patterns worked as a young child, they are definitely toxic as an adult. Are they still in play in my subconscious?
Have I become so accustomed to being small that it is “second nature?” Has the concept of being humble and not demanding morphed into an energy of not allowing myself to ask for and receive what I need and desire? While these questions are about my own sense of self, they are also tied to my involvement with others. Regardless of how much “inner work” I do on my own self esteem and beliefs, that work is meaningless if I choose to be less than who I am in order to be harmonious with my associations. (Being less than who I am in order to not “make waves” is definitely a learned childhood behavior.)
How do I really see myself?
Going deeper, words and thoughts carry energy. Just because those subconscious deep down thoughts, fears, concepts and ideas are hidden beneath the exterior persona, they are not dormant. They are active and carry powerful influence to outcomes, goals, dreams, hopes. Thus, if I outwardly express a goal but inwardly am afraid of it, do not feel worthy or do not feel it possible, the energy of that inward, subconscious thought will block moving forward and attaining that goal. If I do something with the underlying idea that it will not work, it really will not work. Letting go of the old includes letting go of the old way of seeing the world and especially seeing oneself.
The message I have been receiving so very clearly for the past year is that we are being called to let go of what no longer serves us. Spirit will keep telling us until we get it. As humans we tackle that with our mind and our intellect. Yet a big part of what no longer serves us is buried deep within our emotional and psychological makeup. This involves more than the mind and the intellect. It requires opening ones heart and history and mustering up a good dose of courage to go inside and realize, recognize and flush out those thoughts, feelings, experiences, expectations that do not serve our highest good, our highest purpose and our highest experience. What we resist persists. Burying and denying feelings of low self esteem, unworthiness, hurt, anger, disappointment, rejection does not make them go away or become inactive. Only ferreting them out, acknowledging, exploring and releasing can remove them from impacting our present and our future.
The caterpillar sees from between the blades of grass, crawling and trying to be small. If the butterfly limits its view to that of the caterpillar, it will never fly. Furthermore, the caterpillar cannot BECOME a butterfly. The essence of the caterpillar ceases to exist. When only the spark of the Divine is left, creation begins and the butterfly is born.
Wishing us all the strength to go within.
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