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May 2015
Bimonthly Issue



Welcome to the Mid-May issue of our Helping Parents Heal Newsletter!  

We are glad you have found us.  This newsletter is a space that allows us to share our amazing children. We are all in this together.  We understand and we walk the same path. Thank you  for your compassion and for the constant support you provide.  Together, we will help each other heal!  Once again, this month's newsletter contains stories of validation and spiritual growth.  We hope that it will bring some peace and comfort to you and your loved ones.

Our newsletter has become too lengthy to publish just once a month.  Therefore, we will be publishing a second issue that will be devoted to the new column by Dr. Mark Pitstick,'Evolved Souls Don't Need Long Earthly Lives'.  Twice a month, Mark will be answering some of the most difficult questions that Parents ask on our Facebook page, Parents United in Loss, aka Helping Parents Heal.  If you would like to ask a question, please email Mark at Mark@SoulProof.com.  

Sending love, light and warm memories to each one of you as you navigate this bittersweet time.  You are not alone.


-Elizabeth Boisson, Co-Founder and President of Helping Parents Heal, Newsletter Editor and Affiliate Leader for Scottsdale/Phoenix.

Dr. Mark Pitstick and his book 'SoulProof'

Evolved Souls Don’t Need Long Earthly Lives
May 2015  Q & A

by Mark Pitstick, MA, DC
 
The Holistic Recovery Information below includes understandings and strategies that form a basis for my answers . . .  
  1. I have not had a child die, but I have worked with children as they died and many bereaved family members over the last forty years.  I have personally suffered a lot of pain and “loss” so I’m no stranger to suffering.
      
  2. I know that the passing of a child —at any age or by any means—is one of, if not the most, horrible events that can happen to you.  No matter how rosy a picture I paint of life from a cosmic view, I never minimize or forget that. 
     
  3. The death of a child creates an opening, a transformational moment that can, over time, be a blessing to you and others.  Your tragedy, much like a near-death experience, can trigger a spiritual awakening.  Your life will never be the same again . . . it can be even more rich and soulful for the experience. 
  4. Some bereaved family members recover more quickly and easily while others take longer and suffer horribly.  There’s no judgment about that.  I just want you to know that the grief process doesn’t have to be long and awful.   
     
  5. My answers are always offered with respect and love so please do not feel that I am being critical or judgmental of you in any way.
     
  6. My answers are based on the clinical, scientific, spiritual/religious, and empirical (based on firsthand experience) evidence shared in the Soul Proof book and movie.  This data clearly indicates that death is an optical illusion because the essence of a person cannot die.  Your eyes may not be able to sense your deceased loved ones, but they are still very present and alive. 
     
  7. Despite the vast amount of evidence above, many people still erroneously associate the terms ‘death and dying’ with an end or a loss.  That’s why I recommend using other terms that more accurately describe what really happens: dropping the body, graduating, changing worlds, passing on, transitioning, crossing over, going back Home, or returning to the Light.
     
  8. Another conscious language suggestion is to use alternate terms for the love, power and intelligence that created and sustains all life.  For many, the term God automatically conjures up an image of a huge white-bearded man in the sky who sits on a throne and arbitrarily decides who lives or dies when and how.  That image is hopelessly inaccurate and problematic.  Alternative terms for Creator include: the Light, All That Is, the One, Source Energy, Higher Power, the Divine, Creative Energy, and Universal Intelligence. 
 
  1. I don’t claim to have all the answers or the only answers, but I do have some good answers that have helped many people lighten their grief and make more sense of what seems to be a totally senseless occurrence.
     
  2. Optimal self-care is a huge key to recovery since the severe shock of a child’s death can impact all bodily systems.  You may not feel like doing this but, if you can push yourself a bit, making just small changes can yield huge positive results.  My book Radiant Wellness discusses seven keys to becoming happy and healthy again, no matter what your current condition.

    Holistic health care recommendations include acupuncture, chiropractic, nutritional healing (see #9), psychological and/or pastoral counseling, massage, and integrative medicine.  Avoid taking anti-depressants and other potentially harmful or addictive prescription drugs unless absolutely necessary.  Excessive use of any drug—medical, marijuana, alcohol—can mask your symptoms and prevent you from fully grieving in a healthy way.  Use centering practices such as prayer, meditation, time in nature, exercise, music, playing with pets or children, gardening, walking on grass or sand, breathwork, drumming, serving others, spiritual fellowship—basically, whatever helps quiet your mind and keeps you in the now moment.  Holistic Breathwork and Ask Your Soul CDs are available at www.soulproof.com.
 
  1. The shock of a child dying can deplete vital nutrients and lead to weak or imbalanced organs, especially the brain and hormonal system. This is especially a problem with women who already lacked key nutrients after pregnancy. That can cause excess depression, crying, anxiety, insomnia, etc.  I recommend Nutrition Response Testing for evaluation and treatment.  Visit www.unsinc.info to learn more about this Safe, Affordable, Natural, and Effective (SANE) approach to healing and to find a practitioner near you. 
     
  2. These understandings about reality can give you peace, hope, and comfort: 
  1. the body is less than 1% of a person’s essence; the other 99% is immortal
     
  2. a human life, whether five or ninety-five years long, is just a blink of an eye in the span of eternity; your child is a forever being and so are you
     
  3. you and your child are important and infinite parts of Source Energy right now; you both are inseparably and always one with the One just as drops of water are integral elements of the ocean; there is no separation within life despite what your limited brain and belief system tell you to the contrary
     
  4. life and love are eternal so you definitely will see your departed child again
     
  5. there is a rhyme and reason for all life events, even if you can’t see it now
     
  6. you are always surrounded by a support team of soul mates, angels and the Light; being in a spiritual/nonphysical realm, your child can clearly see that 
     
  7. serving others in your child’s name—in honor of your child—is a powerful way to create more meaning and purpose about his/her life and death   
 
  1. Your sadness and pain will decrease as you focus more on other emotions.  Here’s the LET (as in the Beatle’s song Let It Be) formula for doing that:
    L = look forward to being with the soul of your deceased child again someday after you pass on and maybe even glimpsing her presence now with an ADC

    E = feel the elation, the joy, that he graduated from life on this difficult planet and is experiencing a much more wonderful realm right now

    T = focus on thankfulness for all the great times you two had together and for all the great memories.  You will always have those in your heart.

     
  2. About 75% of bereaved parents have an after-death contact (ADC) in which they sense, while awake or dreaming, their child’s soul visiting.  ADCs can involve the usual senses or more ethereal and subtle ones.  You may notice electronic devices malfunctioning, for example, lights flickering on and off.  Shared and evidential ADCs prove that these are not always imaginary or wishful thinking.  Meditation and really knowing that life is infinite are two keys to having a higher, more peaceful energy that helps facilitate an ADC. 
     
  3. The simplest answer to why a child dies is that evolved souls don’t need long earthly lives.  Some parents have described “a knowing” that their child would pass on early.  The child seemed too good for this dense earthly plane and was more caring, compassionate, and loving than usual. Before they transitioned to the next phase of forever, some children have drawn artwork showing angels in the sky waiting for them.  Advanced souls don’t have to complete a long earth-school or burn off karma.  They came here just for a while to brighten your life, serve, and teach.  Then they went back Home, to the really real place.  You will certainly see them again. 

Live one day and one moment at a time.  When you feel like you can’t go on, take deep breaths and reach out to others.  Pray, ask for help, ask questions, be around kindred spirits.  See your child rooting you on because he is.  Feel her encouraging you to find your way through the maze of pain and have a break through.
 
Consider these things and apply this holistic recovery information for just 90 days.  Then let me know how it’s going.  We’ll get through this.  Reentering the stream of life is a day-to-day decision. I hope you decide to find the blessings, the silver linings, the opening doors that always accompany adversity.  You deserve to feel great again and your loved ones and the world need your brightest light.  So let it shine!

Q: Does anyone have another child you pick up from school and find yourself crying all the way? I cry at least once a week in the carpool line.  – Ami
 

A: Your experience is very common and understandable, Ami.  We all have emotional anchors that remind us of the past.  For example, some people hear a song from their youth and feel the heartache of a first-love break up.  Picking up your child now reminds you of all the times you also picked up your departed child.  To soften those emotional anchors while driving or waiting: play inspiring music, talk to loved ones on the phone, take slow deep breaths, pray, chant, sing, recall great memories, and list your blessings here and now.
 
See #11 above to ensure that your brain and hormonal system have key nutrients necessary to function normally.  Nutrition Response Testing has helped many women who cried a lot and even felt suicidal after childbirth, a death, or severe stress. 
 
Also see #13 to remind you to focus on other emotions besides sadness: looking forward, elation, and gratitude. 

Q: I miss my son so much. I don't want to feel this type of heartache anymore. I want to be normal again. I don't want to cry about him anymore, it's exhausting. I don't understand why my baby had to die.  What did I do that was so wrong? – Sarah
 

A: Oh my, your question brought tears to my eyes.  I know it is so difficult.  But wouldn’t it be remarkable, Sarah, if you could get through all this and bless others with the strength, wisdom, and compassion you gained in the process?   That’s the goal.
 
Definitely see #10 and 11 above and get a body/mind tune-up since you are so exhausted. 
 
A few things to consider regarding your question, “Why my baby had to die.”
a. Only his body died; the other 99% of who he is still exists and is having a great time in the next phase of forever. 
 
b. He didn’t have to die and God certainly didn’t cause his death.  Rather, her soul chose to return Home because a short earthly life is all that was needed to achieve the soul’s missions.  Also, her premature—from a limited earthly viewpoint—death may have been designed—from a soul level—to motivate others to grow and serve in ways they wouldn’t have otherwise. 

c. Perhaps you, on a soul level, agreed to be in her life and assist her plan to transition at such a young age.  That is, your eternal self might have made that decision fully knowing there would be immense pain involved AND also huge blessings to others.  Life is very much like a series of plays.  Your child’s soul needed one of its soulmates (we average about 25) to play the mother in this earthly play.  You volunteered knowing that your time on Earth is really just a blink of any eye and your pain would be worth the temporary suffering.  But you, like most good earthlings, have spiritual amnesia and have forgotten your agreement.  That’s why awakening to life’s big picture—even a little bit—confers immense benefits. 
 
d. Maybe the soul of your little one volunteered to die at a young age to awaken humanity about the importance of a healthy environment, food, air, and water.  So many people are suffering and dying these days from excess chemicals, heavy metals, unnecessary medical drugs, poor quality food and water, etc.  Those who die at a young age might be sending a collective message to the rest of us to wake up and properly care for our bodies and our planet. 
 
You also asked, “What did I do that was so wrong?”  The most likely answer is, “Nothing.”  In fact, you probably did something very loving as discussed in (c.)
 
Occasionally, the souls of parents will choose to be in a scenario where their child dies because they mistreated a child in a “past life”—another time and place in life’s limitless combination of possibilities.  Having a child die creates a very clear lesson that we should always treat our children with respect and love.  However, those cases are rare compared to those in which the souls of parents chose to be in the life of a child who died because of reason (c) or (d) above. 

Q: This is so hard, just when you think you’re doing better, a little thing can knock you back down. I came across my daughter's cell and noticed her fingerprints still on the screen.  That triggered overwhelming sadness. - Dana
 
A: Just as with Ami, you had an emotional anchor.  When a person is mourning deeply, they see life through grief-tinted glasses.  That’s not a knock, it’s just human nature to be triggered by memories of your departed loved one. 
 
Each time you feel overwhelming sadness, take a few deep breaths and think or say,
“Thank you, All That Is” or some other meaningful phrase.  You’re being thankful for having a great daughter for many years and knowing that you’ll see her again.  You’re expressing gratitude for eternal life that is so rich and never-ending.  As you do this and the other holistic recovery steps above, Dana, you’ll increasingly realize there’s a rhyme and reason for everything—even the death of a little one. 
 
We may envy people who appear to have simple and easy lives and.  First, looks can be deceiving.  Second, when I trained to do past life regressions with Brian Weiss, MD, he said easy lifetimes are called “rest incarnations.”  Not much spiritual growth occurs in them.  They’re kind of like taking a vacation to planet Earth, but without the growth and service that is so important in the long run.  Your soul chose a different path, a very tough one that can result in magnificent blessings for you and others.  Only brave souls choose such difficult situations and they do so knowing what the upsides can be.  So pat yourself on the back and start fulfilling the plan that the souls of your child and you envisioned. 
  
Q: Tomorrow my Angel will be twenty years old.  I watch my nieces and nephew grow up and see them getting married and having kids. My family says that I'm supposed to be happy for them, but they don't act like they remember I have a son who is in Heaven and should be doing all this also. They all would be around the same age. I'm so losing my mind! Tomorrow I know is going to be hell on me and nobody understands what it feels like! God please help me through this! – Lisa
 

A: Anniversaries can be tough, Lisa.  I understand that and many bereaved family members understand that.  That’s why support groups like Helping Parents Heal are so important. 

There’s another way to look at the date of his birth and death, however, From a more cosmic or enlightened perspective, those can be celebrations: of his life on Earth, of his continued existence in another realm, and of the fact that you’ll enjoy a wonderful reunion with him someday. 
 
It can be difficult to see similar age family members marrying and having their own children when your child died.  Last month’s newsletter had an identical question.  But I’ll bet that, if you sat down with your nieces and nephews, they are aware.  They lost their cousin, they see your pain, and they don’t know what to say or do.  Perhaps, with the new understandings and strategies you are acquiring, you can someday celebrate special events with your family instead of feeling worse. 
 
Another loving suggestion: under the topic of ‘positive self talk,’ maybe you can upgrade your statements and thoughts a bit.  Instead of “I’m so losing my mind” try “I feel so sad and it feels so unfair.”  That addresses the underlying feelings instead of programming your mind with a destructive statement.
 
Again, I am not criticizing because I know it’s tough.  However, I also know—from working with tens of thousands of suffering people over the last four decades—that you can take the high way at any fork in the road.  Your son is watching you and hoping you will awaken to the great news that life is never-ending even though it often changes.  That’s the way the universe is set up.  When you come to peace with change, including death, you can be in the flow of life versus feeling so alone.
 
Finally, God/Source Energy is always helping you because you are part of that phenomenon.  Review #8 above.  The love and energy that created and sustains the cosmos is not a big man in the sky.  Universal Intelligence doesn’t answer some prayers and not others.  So when you call out to a Higher Power to help you, know that the answer is always ‘yes.’  It’s just that we sometimes can’t sense that help—just like the footprints in the sand poem reminds us. 

Q: Is it wrong for me to not be ready to bury my son’s ashes? I still have him in my bedroom. I feel like I'm not ready, but my daughter told me I should be and I was being greedy. It has only been a year. - Corina

A: If you aren’t ready to disperse his ashes, that’s fine.  You aren’t wrong to feel that way, nor is your daughter for feeling the way she does.  Having a loved one pass on is very emotional so agree to disagree about some details.  Everyone is mourning and trying to deal with it in his or her own way. 
 
Many quantum physicists and scientists agree that all matter—including a human being—is comprised of energy and light.  We just look like solid and separate people because our brains and senses are so limited.  Most humans identify the physical body with the real person when, in fact, that is less than 1% of who the person really is.  The other 99.9% is—just like Creator—love, light, consciousness, spirit. 
 
So when your son crossed over, he dropped his body.  It’s as though his real self is in another country that you will visit someday.  Those ashes aren’t who he is.  His real self is flying high and wanting you to be happy too. 
 
After my dad—who is also one of my best friends and soulmates—changed worlds, we put half of his ashes in the mountains and half in the ocean.  I cried on each occasion, but they were a mix of sad and happy tears.  Releasing the ashes of your son’s unneeded body will be a release for you . . . when you’re ready. 
 
By the way, did you notice the verb I used above?  I wrote, “My dad—who is also one of . . .”  It’s not that he was my best friend, then he died.  He still is a dear soulmate even though he no longer is living in that body.  Same thing with your beloved son.  That little distinction makes all the difference in how we deal with living and dying. 

Q: Does it ever get easier telling people you haven't seen since losing your baby what happened?  I find myself dodging people that I once knew so I don't have to explain what happened to my son.  I know that he is gone . . . I live with that everyday.  But for some reason, the more I have to tell someone what happened, the more it reminds me it’s not a bad dream. Am I crazy or what? - Melonie
 
A: Not crazy, just going through deep grieving, Melonie.  And grieving involves lots of feelings that are difficult to sort out.
 
First, you wrote, “I know that he is gone . . .” but later that telling others over and over “reminds me it’s not bad dream.”  So part of you feels like you’ve accepted his passing, but another part doesn’t want to be reminded of it.  That’s a great example of how bereaved family members can feel contradictory emotions at the same time.  It’s part of what can make mourning so difficult. .
 
To answer your first question, yes, it does get easier.  And it’s OK to dodge people if you just don’t feel like rehashing it all.  Over time, it will get easier so hang in there.   

Q: Do you ever just get tired of living with the daily reminder that your child died? I wish I could take a vacation from these feelings, but I know that isn't possible. - Kim
 

A: As you just read, Kim, other parents also get tired of daily reminders in whatever form.  And, it is possible to take a vacation from those feelings.  In the beginning, the breaks are fleeting and partial.  But over time, as you regain your balance, they can become longer and more complete.  One day, you’ll discover that you went many hours or even longer without thinking of your child’s death.  Don’t feel guilty when that happens—be glad that you’ve come that far.  You can bet that your child’s soul  will celebrate because he or she feels most peaceful and joyful when you are. 
 
One key to having a vacation from the pain and obsessing is to live in the present moment.  Everyone needs to do more of that because the past is over and the future—at least from a human perspective—hasn’t happened yet. You can create a break by immersing yourself in what’s going on right now versus thinking how your child died or how that will impact your future. 
 
And if what’s going on right now is sitting, crying, and rehashing, then change it: take a walk, say a prayer, yell into a pillow, hit a couch with a plastic bat, plant some flowers, make a new recipe, clean a cluttered closet, do anything different.  Serving others in honor of your departed child is one of the biggest keys to recovery.

Don’t forget resource #10 to help you increase your energy and focus. 
 
Here’s another good opportunity for more conscious language.  If you say, “I wish I could . . . but I know that isn’t possible” – guess what?  It won’t happen.  The next time you catch yourself saying or thinking in a limiting way, rephrase it.  Your statement might morph into, “I wish I could take a vacation from these feelings and I am grateful to learn ways to enjoy even a brief break.” 

Q:  I lost my youngest son 14 months ago. He and my niece are close in age and she is having her second child today.  My sister (her mom) is beside herself with excitement.  I don’t find it exciting . . . it’s just one more thing to remind me that my son is gone, nothing is happening for him anymore, and he won’t be giving me any grandkids. Am I wrong for feeling this way?  It seems like life keeps getting more fabulous for everyone else, but not for me. Has anyone experienced this? - Holly

A: Lisa already answered your last question. 
 
Let’s look at some other ways to inject more joy and peace into your life, Holly.  First, I encourage bereaved parents to drop the word ‘lost.’  Ditto for “my son is gone.”  I know it seems like you lost your son and he’s gone, but he’s not.  Your brain and eyes may not be able to detect his higher, finer energy form, but some gifted individuals, such as mediums and clairvoyants, can.  You son isn’t a zillion quadrillion miles up in the sky somewhere.  He’s very near, that’s why you may feel his presence so strongly at times. 
 
Next, consider upgrading the phrase, “Nothing is happening for him anymore.”  Remember, I’m not criticizing but what you say and think powerfully affects how you feel.  That’s why it’s important to use accurate language that really reflects what is happening.  He is experiencing a depth and wonder of life that we on Earth can’t imagine.  Near-death experiencers say that if you want to know how good it feels after you die, recall your 100 best days here on Earth—your most happy and energetic ones.  Then multiply that feeling times one million and you begin to get a sense of how good it feels to return to the Light.  That doesn’t sound like nothing happening to me. 
 
Finally, whenever you catch yourself making universal statements, that’s a clue you are having tunnel vision.  I understand that you may feel like life keeps getting more fabulous for everyone else, but not for you.  But you know that’s not true so maybe you can modify your thinking.  In reality, almost everyone has big challenges; that’s just part of life on Earth.  Change is mandatory; suffering is optional. 
 
You can begin by looking for opportunities to feel a little happier.  They’re all around if you look.  Eventually, maybe you can feel genuine happiness for your family members while feeling their love and support.
 
Q: My 23 year-old son hung himself last year.  When I found him, it was already too late.  I am so depressed, angry, and confused. I am broken and have no will to go on. I have so many questions that have no answers and guilt that I don't know how to deal with.  Most of all, I miss him so much—he was my whole world. 
 
You say I will be with him again someday but that's not really a comfort to me. I don't want to be some speck of energy that might be next to my son.  I want to hug him, have fun with him, joke around like we used to.


If God is so loving, how could He be so cruel to give me this child that I carried for nine months, watched him grow for twenty-three years, and loved him more everyday . . .  only for him be taken away from me and change my life forever? 
 
I will never be the same.  I will never be happy again.  I have no one to talk to about this because they either don't want to hear it or they just don't care.  So I isolate myself and constantly try to figure out why my son would kill himself.
 
I am looking for answers that make sense to me.  I have been getting the Soul Proof newsletters and thought you might have some answers I need.  - Debra
 
A: Wow, Debra, I can feel your hopelessness through your writing.  You get the “I feel your pain” award—in honor of our former President Bill Clinton.  
 
Of course you miss your son horribly and feel many powerful emotions.  And no one would blame you if, as you say, you will never be happy again. 
 
But here you are in a new moment.  You are not fated or limited to misery.  Let’s dig in and explore how you might move just one step toward more peace and joy. 
 
First, it’s vital to decrease or eliminate the image of his dead body out of your mind.  His real self was gone when you found him; what you saw was just his shell.  Start by putting up photos around the house of your son during happier days. Add pictures or photos of a butterfly breaking out of a cocoon.  Post signs that say, “I can do it!” or whatever works. 
 
Whenever you begin to see him hanging, think or say ‘stop’ with gusto.  Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it if that helps.  Then immediately replace the gory image with a more positive one: you and he laughing, how blessed you were to be together for so long, and hugging each other when you pass on.  Those are happier and higher energy thoughts. 
 
We’ve already discussed upgrading language in several other answers so you can come up with an upgraded version of “I am broken and have no will to go on.”  Again, no judgment and I know that’s how you feel.  But life is offering you an opportunity to have a breakthrough, not a breakdown. 
 
Before I got tired of getting hit so much, I used to practice karate.  At the moment a punch or kick landed, I was trained to make a shrill sound to increase my power and focus.  The Japanese word for that, kiai, is translated as ‘shout of spirit.’  You can use your horrible experience to increase your strength of spirit.  Just imagine how bright your light will be for the world if you can work through this one.  I’m not saying it’s easy, but it is possible.  Other people have done it. 
 
Years ago, I heard a wonderful talk by a Unity minister who told her personal story: at age 14, she was raped by her uncle.  She told her parents, but they didn’t believe her so the abuse continued.  She eventually became pregnant and her family threw her out.  So there she was on the streets in a big city in the 1940’s: poor, black, pregnant, young, no skills, and nowhere to go. That’s a tough situation, you’ll have to admit. 
 
Sixty years later, she said that she wouldn’t change all that if she could because it gave her such strength of spirit.  Her strong spirit allowed her to help many people throughout her life in ways that never would have been possible if her life had been easy. 
 
You’re in a similar situation.   You are understandably feeling deep pain and despair.  What will you do from this moment forward?  The good news is that it’s OK if you crumble and don’t rise to the occasion.  No one—not God, your spiritual support team, nor any wise humans—will think less of you.  And you have eternity for service, adventure, growth, and enjoyment.  But just think how cool it would be if you could—just like the hero or heroine in a great movie or book—come through this and emerge on the other side as a potent force for hope and love. 

I sent you a section “Suicide: Not an Unforgiveable Sin” from my Soul Proof book.  I’m glad to do that for any bereaved family members with a loved one who killed their body.  (I purposely say “killed their body” versus “killed themselves” because it’s a very important distinction.  Your son’s real self can’t be killed because it’s timeless, deathless, and indestructible.)  Just email me via the address below with the subject line ‘suicide article’ and we’ll send it to you. 
 
There are several other aspects of your letter that I want to address but this Q & A is already too long.  I’ll answer those in the next newsletter since they are such important and common questions. 

                                                    *       *       *       *       *       *       *
 
To all readers, thank you for your questions and for sharing this newsletter with others.  May the peace that passes all understanding fill your hearts and minds. 


Mark Pitstick, MA, DC is an author, clinical psychologist, chiropractic physician, frequent media guest, and workshop leader who helps you know and show—no matter what is going on around you—that you are an important and infinite part of Source Energy/God/Universe.  Visit his websites at www.soulproof.com and www.radiantwellness.com for free articles, radio shows, e-mail newsletters, and special reports.  For more information about his workshops, visit www.soulproof.com/workshops.   Email mark@soulproof.com to ask your toughest questions.   







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Helpful, Healing Information

Stories of Validation -

Linda Burris and her son, Ryan

Ryan Scott Burris and the album cover of Stairway to Heaven

My Ryan Validations

 
Our youngest son earned his angel wings at the age of 28 on March 5, 2011 due to a house fire. Obviously it was a day my husband and I, as well as Ryan's brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends, will never forget. Ryan is a very outgoing young man. He met friends wherever he went and touched so many lives; some we never learned of until the saddest day of our lives. That day is also our oldest son’s birthday…so the happiest day of my life is also the saddest day of my life. We celebrate our oldest son’s birthday just as we used to with lots of family and love, as Ryan would want us to do. 
 
My husband and I struggle daily but together and with our other children and their families we have purpose.  Shortly after Ryan passed, we moved here to AZ so that we could be together with our middle son and his family who already lived here.  Our oldest son and his family also came. We all quit our jobs and packed up and moved from the East Coast.  This says a lot about our family strength.
 
Our validations are daily. I went to a psychic medium in Michigan named Kim Paget who helped me to understand that the validations that I am receiving are for me and my family.
 
At the end of the trail on a hike just the other day, I heard a noise that sounded like a voice coming from my pocket…well that’s where my cell phone was so I thought I had hit a button. I took it out and the song we played at Ryan’s memorial service by Led Zeppelin, ‘Stairway to Heaven’ was playing on Pandora. I never touched a button; it just started playing and it was at the very beginning of the song. Led Zeppelin was one of Ryan’s favorite groups.
 
Kim told me that pennies and dimes would appear when he was near. In fact, the day I got out of the car to have my reading there was a dime and a penny sitting on top of the snow-covered parking lot. Although we don’t keep change in our pockets, we find it everywhere; in the dryer, in the washer, on the floor of our business, in dressing rooms, on shelves; everywhere a penny or a dime shouldn’t be.
 
Right after that day, I was sitting in the living room of our home and every single smoke alarm in our house went off, starting in the master bedroom and continuing with every room of the house for no reason.  The batteries were fine, the power to them was not interrupted; it was a sign.
 
Psychic Medium Jamie Clark just mentioned wind chimes to me during the 'A Peace of the Universe' event.  The day we arrived at my parents’ house in upstate NY where Ryan passed (in a different town and a different house from my parents'), it was a cold, windy March day, typical of the area. I sat in the same chair for 4 days and the wind chimes made lots of music.  Then the day that we held Ryan’s memorial service, which was just as windy as all the others, there was nothing - no noise, not even a tinkle. Whenever I hear any wind chimes I say ‘Hi Ryan’.
 
The following validation happened much too early for us to even recognize as a sign. The night that Ryan passed, both my husband and I woke up at exactly 4:42 am, looked out the window behind our bed and said: ‘Wow look at that star!’ It was so bright and we’d never seen it there before. We always look out that window and we know our stars.  We both fell back to sleep and felt a peace come over us.  We still do as we look back on that night, which is often. We both always felt worried that something was going to happen to Ryan, but that night this worry was lifted off of our chests.
 
Moreover,  at my parent’s, there is a clock that Ryan wanted and my mom had put a note on the back of it saying that when she earned her angel wings she wanted Ryan to have it.  The night that Ryan passed, it stopped at the precise time of 4:42 am and to this day we haven’t started it up.
 
The list goes on as does the pain we have for our child not being next to us. It has been over 4 years and it doesn’t seem possible that this could happen to us nor should it ever happen to anyone.  Our hearts are missing a piece but we try to fill them up daily with the love and strength we receive from our family.
 
Thank you for letting me share my Ryan validations with you. I hope it helps you and gives you the knowledge that they are with us every single day. Not how we want them to be but they are here.  Ryan told us from the time he was 5 he wouldn’t live to be 30. Of course we told him not to talk like that and that would never happen, not to us. It did and he knew. Kim Paget also told me the same thing and that Ryan was ready and had crossed over and was at peace.  I am glad I am open to listening to these words, as hard as they are to hear.
 
May we all find peace in our group of broken hearts,
 
-Linda Burris



The Ten Most Common Signs Deceased Loved Ones Give to Let Us Know They Are Around 


By Psychic Medium Karen Noé

Editor's note: This article by Karen Noé was already published in our February newsletter.  Because  it is so helpful, I wanted to add it to this issue as well.  I hope that all of you recognize validations from your children from the list below -Elizabeth Boisson
 

After our loved ones cross over, they are very anxious to let us know they are okay and are aware of what is going on in our lives.  If we are not able to feel them around us, they will often give us signs that we cannot ignore. The person who is given the sign usually knows he or she is receiving a message from the other side. I always tell my clients that they do not have to look for signs – the signs will come to them.

The signs our loved ones give us most often are:
 
They come through as an animal. Our loved ones are able to use their energy to go inside of an animal, such as a butterfly, ladybug, bird, or dragonfly – for a brief period of time. The animal does something it usually would not do, such as land on us, peck at our window, scream at us, etc.
 
They place common objects such as feathers, coins, or rocks in our path. Our loved ones like to place things over and over again in our path that were significant to them. I have had clients come to me who have had jars filled with feathers, coins, and objects they have found in the most unusual places.
 

They give off fragrances. We can often tell our deceased loved ones are around us when we smell their perfume, flowers, cigar or cigarette smoke, or any other familiar smell they had. There is usually no logical explanation of why the smell is there.
 
They make songs come on at the perfect time. We know they are around when their favorite songs come on at the right time with the exact words we need to hear. Often the same song is played in many different places.
 
They come to us in dreams. One of the easiest ways for them to come through to us is in our dreams. All we need to do is to ask them to come, and they will. However, we should ask them to wake us up after they come, or else we will not remember the dream.  A dream that is a true visitation will be very peaceful and we will know it is truly our loved one. We will remember this type of dream in detail many years later. (On the other hand, a subconscious dream may be frightening or feel bad. This type of dream is not your loved one.)
 

They show us the same numbers over and over. They loved to give us numbers that are relevant to them or you, such as birth dates, anniversaries – or repeating numbers, such as 1111, 2222, 3333, etc. These numbers may appear on clocks, billboards, or any other familiar place.
 
They allow us to feel peaceful for no reason. When our loved ones are in the room, they usually make us feel so loved and at peace. It usually happens when we least expect it, so there is no logical explanation for our sudden bliss.
 
They place thoughts in our head. Because they in spirit form, our loved ones don’t have an audible voice. Therefore, they give us messages telepathically. Pay attention to thoughts that just “pop” into your head. We can tell the difference between our thoughts and theirs by backtracking our thoughts. If you can find the thought that triggered the thought of your loved one, it is probably your thought. If something your loved one would say just pops in your head for no reason, it is probably him or her speaking directly to you!
 
They love to play with electricity. They turn electricity on and off. They like to flicker lights, turn the television and radio on and off, and make appliances beep for no apparent reason.
 

They make buzzing noises in our ears. Because our loved ones speak to us on a different, higher frequency, we may hear ringing in our ears when they are trying to get our attention.  This is a sign telling you to listen to what they are saying.
 
The list can go on and on, but these are the most common ways they let us know they are around. If you haven’t received any of these signs, simply ask your loved ones to come to you to let you know they are okay.  Tell them to come to you in a dream and to wake you up after the dream. The more you are aware of the messages they are giving you, the more they will continue to allow you to know they are present. Be patient and persistent, and I promise that they will give you the signs you have always wanted.  They really are okay and want you to be too!
 
Angel blessings to you!

-Karen Noé
please visit this article on Karen's website 
here.

Would you like to share a story of validation or healing with other Parents? 
We are all able to heal when we share personal stories about our children with others.  Moreover, everyone benefits from validations that we receive from our children.  We love to hear about them!  If you have a story that you would like to share about your child, please let us know and we will include it in a future newsletter.  Please send it to Elizabeth Boisson at boissonelizabeth@gmail.com 

Also, if you have not yet done so, please send me your child's full name, Birthday and Angel Date so that I can add him or her to our list of children on our Facebook Site. We pay tribute to our children on their special dates with a favorite photo and a description of their lives.  Please send all information to Elizabeth at boissonelizabeth@gmail.com


View our Events Page on Facebook

Helping Parents Heal Affiliate Groups and their Facilitators (by alphabetical order):

Jennifer Amato Tom’s Creek, NJ
email: 
jennifer0702@optonline.net  
After the passing of Jennifer's 2 year old son Joey, Jennifer found support from other bereaved parents. She is now finding healing in helping other bereaved parents learn to cope with their loss. Jennifer and Christine are co-hosts for Tom’s River.

Tina Babloski-Anderson Citrus County FL
email: 
helpingparentsheal@yahoo.com  
Tina Babloski-Anderson is a grieving mother who has learned to laugh again since the loss of her son Paul G. Babloski on October 1st, 2009. Her efforts to find comfort have led her on a journey that has not only helped to heal herself, but to bring smiles on the faces of other grieving parents. Tina said, "There is no one here in Citrus County, Florida that could understand the loss of a child, except for another parent that has experienced the same pain. So, we formed a group that supports and celebrates each other’s children. We find that by supporting each other, we can learn to laugh again.

Elizabeth Boisson-Scottsdale, AZ
email: evboisson@yahoo.com

Since the passing of her son Morgan at the Base Camp of Mount Everest due to acute altitude sickness on a student trip to Tibet in October 2009, Elizabeth has held monthly parent meetings in Arizona. She founded both the Facebook site, ‘Parents United in Loss’ in February, 2010 and then partnered with Mark Ireland to co-found ‘Helping Parents Heal’ in February 2012.  She cherishes the opportunity to
 meet both parents and their children in spirit.

Kristen Brown-Sanders Pensacola, FL
email: 
kristensanders@mcshi.com  
Kristen Brown-Sanders started The Next Step group in FL in January 2010 after her beloved daughter Sarah transitioned due to a distracted driver.  The Next Step linked in with Helping Parents Heal in 2012.


NEW GROUP - Lancy Carr-Washington DC
email: lncycrr@yahoo.com  
I have lived in Arizona since 1983. I met Karla Kay at Bikram yoga Tempe which I started doing shortly after Nathan passed away.  She told me about an event and I met Linda West, the first psychic exposure for me! It healed my heart a little and made me want to learn more. I also met Justine Schrimsher at that meeting and she told me about HPH. The first meeting I knew this is what would work for me.  I have enjoyed all the support, love and hope that is shared at every meeting. I got a new job in DC in Dec 2013 and I now want to not only support this wonderful non-profit, as it has given me so much help in my grief, but to help others heal as well.


Nancy Courtmanche-Eureka, CA
email: 
nancycougar@gmail.com 
The loss of my son Robb, 29, has made me painfully aware of the need for parents to have a group setting that is safe and confidential. Healing occurs. Out of my loss I dedicated myself to service for others in volunteer Hospice patient care and grief support, as a Hospital Chaplain, and healing work.  This has prepared me to lead an HPH group now.


Janice Crowder-Torrez-Tucson, AZ
email: jcrowdertorrez@gmail.com 

Wanting to honor her son’s spirit, courage, and the many gifts he left behind, Janice discovered Helping Parents Heal in Scottsdale, AZ.  Opening the door for other parents to grieve their loss, while offering support to small groups, Janice decided to start a chapter in Tucson where she resides and her son Anthony, aged 31, took his life. Janice is a MSN and certified in Meditation.

NEW GROUP-Lori Fina Jennings-Cape Coral, FL
email: 
lafj1@hotmail.com 
My son died at age 30 of a drug overdose. My surviving daughter has Down Syndrome. Life has blessed me with so many unique gifts & learning opportunities. I'd like to "be there" for people as my son was. My book, Liam's Lessons, was written with the help of my son shortly after he died. Practicing Isha Yoga has been my saving grace.

Sheryl Hill-Minneapolis, Minnesota
email: 
sheryl.hill@me.com  
Tyler, my beautiful sixteen year old son, died a preventable death on a People to People Student Ambassador Trip to Japan in 2007. My most important achievements are being a mother, a wife, nonprofit endeavors with the Clear Cause Foundation (to keep American children and students safe on foreign soil) and perhaps my work as an author. I did not lose the ones I love who have passed. I know where they are.

Julia LaJoie-Washington DC
email: 
JALAJMD@gmail.com  
I joined Helping Parents Heal in April of 2012 when I met Mark Ireland, Anne Puryear and Elizabeth Boisson at a conference in Phoenix, AZ on After Death Communication. There were many parents like myself who had lost a child and had discovered the healing that comes from ADC and other forms of spiritual growth. I am eager to join hands and hearts with other parents in the Baltimore - Washington area to grow our network and support each other in healing and spiritual growth.


NEW GROUP - Paige Lee-Boise, Idaho
email:  paigewlee@gmail.com

Paige is a Speaker, Coach, and Reiki practitioner and owns Crystal Soul Healing Center in Boise Idaho. Paige is dedicated to helping people who have experienced a profound loss, especially the loss of a child, face and release their emotions and find a way to joyfully connect with their loved one in Spirit. Her spiritual awakening came abruptly and forcefully after her only child, Bryan, was murdered in September 2008. Just as the only world she’d ever known was shattered, a new world opened. A world filled with Hope, Spirit, and Love; a world that allowed her not only to continue having a relationship with her son, but a world that opened her own true self into being.

Patti May- Ottawa, Ontario
email: 
pattimay@rogers.com  
I am a mother of 3 wonderful children, married 30 years to their father.I lost my son Adam in 2006 in a tragic auto accident. Since losing my son I have had afterlife signs that have helped me.  I began to search for like-minded parents to share our experiences. I came across the wonderful 

group Helping Parents Heal and asked if I could start a group here in Canada.

Jessalyn Nash- Sonoma County, CA
email: pwrolove@sonic.net  

Jessalyn Nash, M.A. has facilitated groups for over 25 years and is involved in the restorative justice movement. After her beloved 21-year-old son, Trystan passed away, Jessalyn has dedicated herself to helping other grieving parents.

NEW GROUP - Glenda Pearson-Granger, IN
email: 
glendia456@aol.com  
Glenda is a Reiki Master, Munay Ki practitioner, intuitive guide, Stephen's Minister, author and Certified Grief Recovery Method Specialist.  Reflected in her book, But Should The Angels Call For Him, she speaks of her personal loss through the death of her only child, Chad, and believes there is healing for everyone.

Maria Pe - San Diego
email: maria.i.pe@hotmail.com 

Maria Pe, J.D., is the mother of Sean Robert and Kyle Joseph, her two sons who transitioned to the other side on June 21, 2011.  That day was the beginning of Maria’s profound spiritual journey to find out where her sons went and how she could continue to have a relationship with them.  Having been educated in Western culture and trained as an attorney, Maria was skeptical and had no idea where to turn for the information and answers she was seeking.  She was guided to a shamanic practitioner who taught her how to raise her consciousness and energy levels through meditation so that she could connect with her sons.  She began keeping a written journal of her experiences 
which culminated in her book, Journey To The Upper Realm:  How I Survived the Deaths of My Sons and Learned to Communicate With Them on the Other Side (free at www.seanandkyleimaginefund.com and in hard copy on Amazon).   By sharing and talking about her own experience, she hopes to help other bereaved parents.

Sheri Perl-New York, NY
email: sheriperl@gmail.com  

Sheri Perl Migdol is a spiritual healer, an interfaith minister, an author, lecturer and mother of 3 children, one deceased. Sheri is the founder of The Prayer Registry, a free service for all bereaved parents. www.sheriperl.com.

Christine Volpe-Tom’s Creek NJ
email: 
cvolpe68@gmail.com  
After the passing of her 17 year old son, James, due to a vehicle accident Christine has spent countless hours helping other bereaved parents.  She is devoted to help other parents find tools to help them in their grief. Christine and Jennifer are co-hosts for Tom’s River.


NEW GROUP - Irene Vouvalides-Hilton Head, SC
email: ivouvalides@aol.com 

I lost my 24 year old daughter to esophageal - gastric cancer on February 17, 2013. She was my best friend, my only child. I have been on a spiritual quest since, reading constantly, writing about my life. I have had two sessions with George Anderson and had a phone session with Laurie Campbell. Having recently moved to South Carolina, I am very interested in connecting with other parents here. So happy to find and read Mark Ireland's books and have also taken great comfort in reading Dr Brian Weiss's books.

Laura Wilmot-Fall’s Church, VA
email: 
laurawilmot@gmail.com   
A retired federal HR Director, Laura taught Mexican Folk dance to children and adults and performed Mariachi music with her family for several years.  She “connects up” to her son through meditation and prayer.
Please contact Elizabeth Boisson (boissonelizabeth@gmail.com) if you would like to start an affiliate chapter in your area.

 

Mission statement of Helping Parents Heal:

Our mission is to help parents who have lost children, giving them support and resources to aid in the healing process. We will go a step beyond other groups by allowing the open discussion of spiritual experiences and evidence for the Afterlife in a non-dogmatic way. In other words, we will welcome everyone regardless of their religious (or non-religious) background and allow for a very open type of dialog.

-Mark Ireland, Co-Founder, Helping Parents Heal

Sending peace, love and white light to you and your beautiful children

Note: Information in the Helping Parents Heal newsletter is provided for the sole purpose of assisting you in finding resources (information, meetings, books, etc.) to aid in the bereavement process. This newsletter is not intended to endorse, sponsor or encourage your use of any of the information or services listed, whether from members or other individuals. Rather, our intent is simply to inform you of vast amount of resources available for your consideration. We urge you to independently research and consider the value any particular resource for yourself. Further, while we take steps to ensure accuracy of the information posted, especially relative to linked media, we accept no liability for content. Helping Parents Heal is a non-profit Corporation.




 















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