This A short play in one act, featuring TAYLOR MASON, THE DONKEY and THE ELEPHANT.
(Open on TAYLOR, DONKEY and ELEPHANT sitting on steps outside a large brick-and-cement institutional building)
TAYLOR: Those clouds look like rain, guys.
(All three look into the distance and nod)
DONKEY: I keep telling you, the climate is changing every day. We’ve never had this much rain.
ELEPHANT: Rain is good. It helps crops grow and feeds people.
TAYLOR: We should probably go inside.
DONKEY: Rain is good, I agree. We should make a law so that it rains every day.
ELEPHANT: That’s my idea! “Rain is good!” If we make a law, I want credit for it.
TAYLOR: I think I felt a drop of rain....
ELEPHANT: Don’t be such a sissy. A little rain never hurt anyone.
DONKEY: Why don’t I feel any? That isn’t fair. If one person feels rain, we should all feel rain. I want to feel your rain!
ELEPHANT: Where is a bucket? I could collect it and sell it!
DONKEY: If you start selling rainwater I’m going to tax it!
TAYLOR: OK, you guys argue all you want, but I’m telling you it’s starting to drizzle.
DONKEY: I felt some! Wait… this is proof that the climate has changed! It was sunny and nice a minute ago. Now it’s starting to rain! I’m telling you this is proof there is climate change! Don’t deny it!
ELEPHANT: I need more data. Just because you two think you felt a few drops of moisture doesn’t mean it’s raining.
DONKEY: (Sees a person putting up an umbrella across the street) Is that an umbrella?
ELEPHANT: I’m going to invest in umbrellas right now and make a fortune selling umbrellas so people don’t get wet! If it really is rain, I’ll raise the price and make a little extra.
DONKEY: It isn’t right that he has an umbrella and we don’t. I want a law that demands everyone must own an umbrella.
ELEPHANT: (Puts out a leg and feels rain) OK but I’m not so certain this really is rain....
DONKEY: And the only people who can sell umbrellas are donkeys. Yes! Everyone must own an umbrella and all umbrella sales have to go through me!
ELEPHANT: I don’t want to buy an umbrella from you! I want to make umbrellas and charge high prices for ‘em!
TAYLOR: It is now raining hard, you guys. I’m going inside.
(A large clap of thunder startles the three, and TAYLOR gets up to go. The DONKEY and the ELEPHANT keep dialoguing)
DONKEY: Was that lightning?
DONKEY: That is more proof of climate change! I’ve never seen such aggressive lightning! It’s too dangerous! We need to outlaw it!
ELEPHANT: A little rain and lightning can’t hurt me! There is no proof that this is even rain! That might not have been lightning! It might have been a light from an airplane! This moisture might just be condensation dripping from an air conditioner on the 51st floor!
TAYLOR: What are you talking about? This is a downpour! I’m going inside right now.
DONKEY: Yes! Inside! An escape from the rain! I want to make a law that everyone has to go inside if it rains, and you have to go to a building authorized by me, and you have to pay to get inside!
ELEPHANT: (dripping wet) I haven’t yet decided if this is really rain at all.
TAYLOR has left and gone inside. The ELEPHANT and DONKEY continue to argue, in the pouring rain, forever.
Thanks for reading!