Yes. For the third or fourth time in the past couple of years my Facebook account was hacked. Someone tried to use my good name to either sell a bogus product/service, or promote some agenda.
So I'm taking action. I have the right to a certain amount of privacy! I am an American citizen!
First I have to identify the culprit. Which is easy.
The Russians. The Russians, not satisfied with changing more than 60 million votes in the last presidential election, not satisfied with overseeing the U.S. economy and overhauling our health care system, have decided to go after puppeteers.
WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE!?!?
I have not been asked to guest on "Outnumbered," the Fox News political conversation show; "The View" has refused to return my calls; CNN is ignoring the story; MSNBC claims that "nobody cares" (!?!?) and ABC News, in all their glory, tells me the story isn't "big enough."
Worse, I am absolutely certain The New York Times, The Washington Post and even Yahoo are involved in some way. I subscribe to the online version of The Times, so let's face it: they probably have access to all my accounts and personal information. Plus there has long been an agenda on behalf of that iconic news source that is routinely anti-puppet, anti-ventriloquist, anti-me. Only "AvenueQ," the ground-breaking Broadway show starring some... uh... edgy puppets... was granted positive feedback from The NYT.
The Washington Post, political leanings aside, will never show respect. Why? For one thing, THEY'RE ALL PUPPETS, TOO! They just don't want to acknowledge the facts!
And Yahoo? Come on. If you have a Gmail account (as I do ... 32 of them, I think, but I lost count somewhere in the mid-00's) then you might as well consider Yahoo a member of your immediate family. They know EVERYTHING.
This is not a left/right issue. This is not an up/down issue. This is not a front/back issue. It's not a side-to-side issue, a parallelogram issue or a triangle-inter-dimensional issue, either.
This is an in-your-face issue. What do I mean? As you walk down the hallway at work this afternoon, or as you get on the train or board a plane, or you're in the 20-coupons-or-less line at the supermarket, look around.
YOU ARE PROBABLY BEING HACKED BY ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE AT THAT MOMENT!
The solution? Simple.
Come see me this Friday and Saturday night at The Comedy Cabaret in Doylestown, PA. I'll explain everything there. Tickets and information here.
Happy Spring and thanks for reading!