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The NFL this year reminds us of the beginning of Chamber of Secrets where there are a million reasons pointing to why Harry shouldn’t go to Hogwarts and he’s like “guess I better go to Hogwarts” and then, guess what, a lot of bad shit happens.

Who We're Nominating When We Pack the Everlasting Fuck Out Of The Supreme Court

Alright, fuckers. The endgame is here. Win this election, never see Donald Trump again, and pack the Court like it’s the last bowl you’re going to smoke before you go home for the summer. Get your padfolios ready, America—you might be joining the nation’s most powerful court. Here are the not-so-select few people we’re adding to the Supreme Court the fucking minute Biden is sworn in:
  • A Starbucks barista who Biden complimented on “the way her shirt fit”
  • 15 illegal immigrants
  • Hunter Biden
  • Your local DSA treasurer 🌹🌹🌹
  • Chief Justice Cardi B
  • The E Street Band
  • Your local ambulance chasing attorney with a kick-ass nickname like “The Justice Hammer”
  • My fifth grade teacher Ms. Leach she was nice :)
  • People who loudly shout “Tequila!!!” when the Tequila song plays
  • Rebecca Black
  • Our corporate sponsor, NBC Comcast
  • Jimmy Buffett’s Parrot. He has a parrot, right?
  • Still not Michael Avenatti, sorry!
  • Jeb!
  • Several Krassensteins
  • That guy who tried to chug an entire bottle of Patron in a parking garage and just vomited everywhere
  • Count Chocula
  • Diana Ross, along with no more than two other Supremes
  • The frontline healthcare hero from that Blink-182 album cover
  • Al Franken 😱😱😱
  • A bombastic drag queen whose stage name is Amy Bony Carrot
  • Paul George, so he can finally secure a victory on the court
  • Kett Bravanaugh
  • Every dog with over 50,000 Instagram followers
  • I think my roommate’s boyfriend is pretty sharp actually
  • The Migos member you don’t know
  • A cardboard cut-out of Antonin Scalia with an 18-inch dildo affixed to the mouth region
  • Damn Daniel
  • Kate McKinnon, roleplaying as RBG
  • Scooter Libby
  • Alec Baldwin (300 hours of court-ordered community service)
  • Flo-Rida
  • The weiners from Pod Save America, so they can go bother somebody else
  • Jack Daniels
  • Ur mom haha
  • Esteemed Eastern District of California judge Troy L. Nunley
  • Idris Elba, because what can’t that guy do!
  • My bodega guy
  • Balloon boy!!!!
  • 2003 Oakland Athletics’ All-Star Reliever Keith Foulke
  • Saquon, who suddenly has the time
  • Herman Cain’s ghost 👻👻👻
  • Joe Lieberman JK FUCK THAT GUY
  • Three Toddlers in a Trenchcoat
  • Susan Collins
  • Van Jones, so he gets off my dang TV
  • Claudia Conway
  • Flo, but not Jamie!
  • Taylor Swift, when she is in the woods
  • Merrick Garland
  • Anyone with LED lights in their bedroom

The GOP Isn't Allowed to Appoint a New Justice, Because They Promised They Wouldn't

Since RBG passed on Friday, there’s been much speculation about whether the GOP would attempt to fill her seat on the Supreme Court before the election. But what some prognosticators seem to forget is that they can’t do that because they promised they wouldn’t.

So that should put an end to that! 

RIP to RBG

In a year full of loss, this one hits the hardest. 

I went to the Supreme Court on Friday night. Two things stuck out as we walked among the people assembled on the steps. 

The first is Ginsburg’s incredible legacy. Long before she was a Supreme Court justice, she (seemingly single-handedly) led the charge in the 1970s for sex equality. Nearly every landmark Supreme Court case about sex and the Equal Protection Clause was tied to Ginsburg. Then she went and authored her own crucial opinion once she was on the Court. 

You don’t need me to tell you that RBG was a trailblazer. But seeing the assembled mourners on Friday night was a powerful reminder of all the people whose lives she helped change for the better. The women who were able to have fulfilling professional careers that weren’t conceivable in the years before Ginsburg forged her own path. The lives that are richer in a society that has benefited because of the work RBG did to push us toward a more equal nation on the basis of the sex. She helped challenge and loosen the ingrained, constricting, and unfair gender roles and legal rules that confined men and women. Our lives at home and at work are unimaginably better for it. 

The second thing that hit me though was how losing RBG makes the law in general, and the Supreme Court in particular, feel ever more like a tenuous and arbitrary edifice. We have put so much pressure on nine old people in the Supreme Court to uphold and enforce our rights, and we feel crushed every time they fail to do so. We have let a Court of almost uniformly white men cloak itself in a veneer of objectivity only to get kicked in the stomach every time the Court helps the conservative movement swipe away another hard-fought right. Ginsburg’s passing sheds even more light on the artifice of an institution that stakes claims to neutral principles of law while allowing states and the federal government to concoct preposterous abortion restrictions or establish crosses on public land or kill Mexican teenagers playing on the wrong side of an invisible line

These feelings are mixed up with some frustrations about RBG. She was celebrated as a liberal icon—even when other justices outflanked her on the left. Her hiring practices weren’t as progressive as her legal opinions. And her meme-ification as the Notorious RBG had overtones of minstrelsy and appropriation

Perhaps most frustratingly, she could have retired earlier and let an Obama appointee continue down her path for a more liberal expansion of rights. Instead, we’re staring down the barrel of 30+ years of Amy Coney Barrett using RBG’s seat to build a “kingdom of God.” 

Ginsburg became known for her impassioned dissent on an increasingly conservative Court. We were already in for a lot more dissents like hers given Trump’s two nominations to the bench so far (one stolen, the other simply despicable). But now things could get very bad for a very long time. What lies ahead might force us to rethink our view of the Supreme Court as a fair institution that will protect our rights and values. In that case, we may need to shift our focus away from the federal courts and toward matching the conservative movement’s strides at the state level. 

RBG crafted a brilliant litigation strategy that operated within an overwhelmingly white and male power structure to make a push toward sex equality. But her legal victories—as crucial as they were—only took us so far toward concrete and lasting change. The real change comes from the sweat and blood of shifting hearts and minds as we fight for a more just society. Ginsburg could see the whole board when it came to social change, and she knew when and how the law fit into the bigger picture. 

It’s a shame that Ginsburg’s death immediately became a political battlefront rather than a testimony to her incredible achievements and lasting influence. But it’s heartening that we can celebrate her achievements and continue her legacy by fighting to protect the rights she fought for and to expand the vision of equality she articulated. So let’s do that. May her memory be a revolution.  
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