Hi newsletter friends!
I hope this finds all of you well and looking forward to Summer.
Gosh, I miss “talking” with you when I don’t send out a newsletter for a while.
BTW - I love hearing from those of you who miss it too.
My book’s coming along nicely. I hope to publish it by Fall.
Thanks to those of you who’ve been inquiring about it.
If you’ve been getting these newsletters for a while, you’ve read of how I screwed up big time wooing Linda Evans, Annette Funicello and Sandra Dee.
Well, while working on the book, I ran across the memory of still another time when reality did me in while attempting to break the ice with a ravishing beauty.
Here’s another crash and burn incident from “ICONS, IDOLS and IDIOTS.”
Not a gut buster, but kinda fun. Hope you enjoy it.
TITLE: “Nothing is Beautiful at the Ballet”
Sometimes, in trying to impress a woman with my wit and charm, I end up being undone by my own clumsy hand… and blunt reality.
I’m always amazed at how many people come up to me after a Preps concert or a speech, and want to reminisce about their favorite “Ozzie and Harriet” episode.
Now and then, someone will cite the show in which I appear in ballet drag - fluffy pink tutu, long curly blonde wig and all. One of my finer efforts as an actor… (actress?!)
Let me tell you, I make one ugly female even with all the drag queen embellishments.
On this particular episode called “The Ballerina,” there’s a real knockout of a blonde extra and of course, all of us guys are trying like hell to impress her.
But I’ve got my rapier wit to charm and disarm her so when Ozzie yells “cut,” I head over to the couch where she’s sitting.
This gorgeous creature is built – and “hot” …and she knows it.
I approach her and open with a clever line I deliver in a broad western drawl, “Howdy mam. Ah reckon as how y’all must be the new school marm.”
She just stares at me.
As I move in to deliver a follow up witticism, Rick and two of his hulking USC football buddies stride up to compete with me for her attention.
I instinctively try to sabotage their invasion with a couple of snappy one liners.
Ya know, funny, Cyrano stuff to unsettle the brutes and make the blonde laugh.
“Ah yes… here come three hunks without a single thought!”
No reaction… from them or the blonde.
So I zap them with some ersatz Shakespeare.
“Forsooth fair Maiden. Methinks the livestock has arrived.”
Still no reaction from the blonde. Nothing.
Rick and the two jocks just stand there looking macho and muscular.
The blonde shoots me a quick once over, then immediately locks on the three studs.
That’s when I realize, I’m trying to verbally face down two USC line backers and Ricky Nelson… while wearing lipstick, rouge, pink tights and a tutu, a lavender silk top with plunging neckline, eyeliner, mascara and a curly blonde wig right out of “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.”
I beat a strategic retreat. Although it was hard to walk away quickly in those damn toe shoes.
Take care of yourself and each other and I'll be back in touch soon.