You're invited, muddafukka!
HELLO THERE FUCK YES I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION! Deck your dick, prepare your anus, and get your goons ready for this year's Christmas Eve event. Now, we're carrying out things pretty much the way we did last year (fuck yes for redundancy!) The biggest difference this year though is that we will not be requiring you to fuck a Christmas tree! Yes, yes -- you're so relieved. Well fuck you, Microsoft sucks. You'll have to fuck a snowman this year. Yes, right up the ass. We're going to be throwing up some holiday movies on TinyCrab TV and very strategically placing the giveaway in between them. Or, even better yet.. maybe this year we'll have the giveaway right in the middle of a movie. Mwahahahaha! I bet that will piss you off won't it... Anyways we hope that you'll join us again this year for some awesome fun and some awesome giveaways and prizes. It's gonna be a good time, we promise asshole.
WHAT: TinyCrab Christmas Eve Event
WHERE: #TinyCrab on irc.tinycrab.net
WHEN: Dec. 24 2013, starting at 4PM 'til around 2AM. (we'll have the giveaway before midnight)
HOW: The wonderful advances with technology in the 21st century
WHY: Because we're cool as fuck
WHO: The entire TinyCrab community
Some Q&A to answer some "common questions":
Q: What the fuck is this shit you're gay as fuck?
A: Damn haters... every fucking year. Go play with yourself and take a shit on your neighbor's porch.
Q: Do I really have to fuck a Snowman this year.. I'm still pulling pine needles out of my dick from the Christmas tree last year.
A: Yes. See a doctor.
Q: What are you giving away?
A: Packages of Ramen! Now-now children, there's one for everyone, so take one and pass them along!
Q: What are you seriously giving away?
A: Well, we've got a couple of sponsors for this year's giveaway. We'll reveal more about the specifics later on, but to give you a general idea:
-Taylor's going to be sponsoring a dedicated server giveaway. This server will be shipped right from the vendor to your doorstep. We're looking at a SuperMicro 1U rack server with a Xeon 5420, 8 gigs of RAM, and a 500 gigabyte hard drive.
-Noah's going to do the promised $50 gift card to a place of your choice giveaway for the OnDeck winner come giveaway time. For details on this, see the topic in #TinyCrab.
-Noah's also going to give away $50 in ZTN Hosting credit, and is still deciding how that will be dispersed. It'll either be given as a whole to one winner or dispersed to multiple winners in fractions. We'll figure that out and let you know come the event.
-There may be more sponsors. We'll let you know come the event.
Q: What do I need to do to participate?
A: Same as last year. You'll need to:
-Have Voice (+) in #TinyCrab (no, ChanServ cannot win.)
-Have only ONE nickname with voice in #TinyCrab at the time of being chosen as giveaway winner. (this is pretty important so make sure you only have one when the giveaway starts!!)
-Fuck that Snowman. No, seriously. Fuck it /really/ good this year. At least you don't have to worry about the damn pine needles ;)
-Not have a network ban in place on the TinyCrab network or channel ban in place in #TinyCrab.
-Have a first name that does not both begin with K and end with H.
-Participate in the festivities in #TinyCrab on Christmas Eve.
Q: Do I really have to participate? And to what level?
A: Yes. You have to show your face and like last year, be online and talking in the community for a majority of the night.
Q: I won't be online on Christmas Eve..
A: Sorry! Find a way - even if it's on your mobile device!
Q: How the fuck do I watch TinyCrab TV on a mobile device?
A: Well, that's tricky. Android devices have been rumored to play our flash streams without any problems. With an iPhone, there's an app called Skyfire that will likely play the stream right off of our web site. It's really best to be on a computer though - not sure how well you'd be able to participate by only watching the live stream.
Q: Why did you change your name to TinyCrab?
A: Seriously? We're still bitching about this? We've been over this many times now: Because Connor said so.
Q: Will Keith be sponsoring any of the giveaways this year?
A: Absolutely no Keiths allowed this year or any year in the future so stop fucking asking...
Q: Will the staff be allowed to participate?
A: Yes. The staff have the same chances of winning as anybody else.
Q: What time will the giveaway be?
A: It's unannounced. Nobody, not even the staff will know the exact time that the giveaway happens.
Q: How do we know that the staff won't be informed anyways?
A: Well.. you'll have to trust me. We're about making the giveaway and festivities fun for everyone, and this includes not allowing the staff to have an unfair advantage.
Q: Is anybody not permitted to participate in the giveaway?
A: Yes, the following people are not allowed to win:
-The sponsor (obviously)
-Anybody that has a ban in place on the network or the main channel.
-Anybody that does not meet the criteria above ("You'll need:")
Q: What if one of those are chosen?
A: Another winner will be chosen instantly.
Q: How will the winner be chosen?
A: The same way as last year and the year before. We'll run a mIRC script - that we'll show you on live stream AS the winner is picked - which will show the winner's nickname on TinyCrab TV. If the winner does not respond within 60 seconds of the nickname being picked, a new winner will be chosen.
Q: So, the person won't be hilighted when they're chosen as a winner?
A: That's correct. This ensures that the winner is participating and watching TinyCrab TV when the giveaway happens.
Q: Should I highlight the person that's picked as a winner continuously when they're chosen?
A: Obviously not - you should be hoping that the chosen one is not paying attention or not there, unless you're nice enough to nudge the person.. but I'm pretty sure that YOU want to win ;)
Q: What movies are you playing this year?
A: You'll just have to find out come Christmas Eve. :)
If you have any more questions about the giveaway, hit us up in #TinyCrab on irc.tinycrab.net.
Cheers & Happy Holidays from all of the TinyCrab staff team!!