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Your stories about being on both sides of infidelity.
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Oh man. Listening again to your experiences of being cheated on, and cheating, makes my heart feel wrung out. 

There's so much in our episode in your feed today—questioning, betrayal, exhilaration, humiliation, forgiveness, righteous anger. The ways we hurt each other are rarely original, but somehow, that doesn't take any of the sting away, does it? 

But sharing stories about how we've been hurt and have hurt someone can dampen the pain and the shame. After you listen to this episode, if you need a little aftercare, press play on this and scroll around the Breakup Survival Kit we built together: the Google spreadsheet version you can still add to and this beautiful, meditative adaptation made by designer (and listener) Emily Theis. 

Anna and the Death, Sex & Money team
This Week on Death, Sex & Money

People cheat. But they don't often talk about the aftermath, and how they and their partners decide what comes next. Four years ago, when I asked you to send in your stories about infidelity, I heard from so many of you who have found yourselves cheating...and being cheated on. Today, we revisit those conversations, in one of our all-time favorite episodes of Death, Sex & Money.

Your Stories: Preparing For A Death
A few weeks ago, our listener Elizabeth sent us this email, capturing the big emotions and small tasks that were marking the end of her dad's life.
"I just finished going shopping for the shirt that my dad will wear when he's dead and in a casket. My mom and I went to JCPenney and were unsure what size to get for him and we asked a woman for help, but she was too busy gossiping with a customer to help. I was Googling a men's size chart as we looked through piles of button downs. There was one pile that was two for one, but it was weird to get one from that pile because my dad is not going to need another shirt, you know?

We found an employee in another section who was trying to be super helpful and positive, telling us 'you never know' what could happen. That's the only time I've ever felt offended by someone's optimism. Because it's not going to save my dad. We eventually settled on a pale blue shirt with long sleeves and a wide neck to accommodate for the tumor in my dad's neck. I honestly have no memory of my dad wearing anything that color, much less a button down. He was more of a guayabera kind of guy—the loose and light button downs with short sleeves that old Cuban men are known for.

My dad isn't dead yet, but he's close. I'm sad, but to be honest, I'm so fucking angry. I'm angry that my family is in this position. I'm angry my dad is dying like this. I'm angry about the way his job treated him when he had an injury and was later diagnosed with ALS. I'm angry my parents didn't financially plan. I'm angry with the insurance systems and hospitals and staff that don't treat my dad like a human and are so complicated to understand. I'm angry there aren't more Spanish-speaking doctors and medical professionals. I'm angry that after 30+ years in this country, my dad doesn't get anything better. I'm angry he doesn't have life insurance. I'm just so enraged by all of the systems that failed my parents. I'm also mad at some of my parents' choices, but how were they supposed to know?

I'm not sure when my dad will pass. It could be tonight, it could be tomorrow or in a few weeks. The doctors aren't estimating but the reality is that his death is on its way. We're all on edge all the time, waiting for the call or something to happen
." 
 
—Elizabeth, 29, Philadelphia, PA
After sending us this email, Elizabeth followed up to let us know her dad died a few days before Thanksgiving. "I think people just expect you to be fine and put on lipstick and be good to go regardless of your pain," she wrote. And, she told us, Anne Lamott's words about death in last week's episode came as a comfort. "I felt like she gave me permission to not be okay and also reminded me that one day, I will be." Thanks to Elizabeth for sharing with us. 

Listen to This: Audio We Love

Robin Williams died by suicide five years ago this August. The podcast Knowing: Robin Williams weaves his life story among interviews with friends, colleagues and people whose careers he impacted (including comedian and former DSM guest Chris Gethard). In this episode, we hear about Robin's struggle with drugs and alcohol as his career in Hollywood took off—and the wakeup call that came in the form of fellow comedian John Belushi's overdose death. 

This season of the podcast Aria Code is all about desire—and this week, the show is digging into the aria "Dove Sono" from Mozart's The Marriage of Figaro. "It's a floating and gorgeous melody that asks a simple question," host Rhiannon Giddens says. "'Where are the beautiful moments I used to have with my husband? Where's the spark? And how do I get it back?'" This episode makes an excellent companion to our episode this week, as it's all about infidelity—and it includes a guest appearance from the one and only Dan Savage. 

Next on Death, Sex & Money

This summer, Anna went to the Heart Mountain Pilgrimage—an annual reunion for former Japanese-American incarcerees who were imprisoned at Heart Mountain, a Wyoming internment camp, during WWII. While at the Pilgrimage, Anna talked with people who were mostly young children during their time there, about what they remembered about life on Heart Mountain. And she talked with the descendants of those former prisoners, about the anger they feel on their parents' behalf. 

Anyone else feeling a financial hangover after the past few days?

Which reminds us...if you're going through a big money transition, let us know!
Send an email to deathsexmoney@wnyc.org.
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