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This post is intended for TO (*Toddlers Only). If you have hair anywhere on your body other than your head or have ever eaten a fig, please stand up and walk away. Go do something you love like wiping down counters.

Toddlers, now that we’re alone I have something important to discuss with you. You already know that it is impossible to love more than one person at a time. That’s why when parents hug or show affection it feels like a slap in the face because it is. I have some disturbing news to share. Your parents don’t just hug during the day, they hug at night, too. During the time you need them most, they hug.

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Adults. This post is for you so please put down the cup you’re rinsing and try to focus. Since you’re the president of the world and need to check your cell phone screen often for updates on science, place your mobile device somewhere off limits like the park these days.

Even though the grocery store is bursting with options, one of the main toddler complaints I keep hearing has to do with broken food. Adults, you don’t look cute or smart when you hand your child broken anything. You come off as rude and disrespectful.

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